Struggle for Excellence or Existence…..??

The only motive that brought me to US was to excel ethically in my professional life…like we all l also thought initially…I was disappointed with the Indian bureaucratic system, disgusting reservation system and unethical ways that people use to grow in their professions. I had listened to the stories in institutes like NCL (National chemical lab, Pune, where I completed my undergrad project), about how south Indian lobby supports southee’s (with few respected exceptions) and blah blah..!!! I had chosen my profession with some reason and was not willing to leave it upto certain system to decide fate of it.

US then became my dream land. The land of opportunities…!! I didn’t even try GATE or CAT…so possessed I was ; perhaps I might be the first one who was smiling when leaving my dearest ones and the country. But that dream was proved an ephemeral. Soon I reached the US, I realized that I am on my own and nobody has even a little concern about my presence here. One thing was sure in my mind. I didn’t come here to earn money. It was never and will never be my priority in life. I still strongly believe that money is measure of success and not that earning money brings success.

Success has to come thro’ several hardships. I don’t deny that. I did the same thing, worked hard, physically –mentally, on campus- off campus, gathered each and every dollar to pay off my fees, living expenses; consoling myself that these 2 years of hard work will bring me success after my graduation…simply when I will get a decent job. I made it. After few weeks of immense mental stress and endless efforts I managed to get the long awaited so called “dream job”..!!!

But am I really happy at this stage..? Is it really worth of what I am…? Is it like I have something very extra-ordinary thing that lots of other friends of mine doesn’t have at this stage (because of the recession)…a damn job….does it compensate for all I lost here…? Does success means possessing something that others don’t…? Lowering your benchmarks and then boast on achieving it, is a fools business. I lost my very first friends, I lost sole love of my life and more importantly I lost my self consciousness. I did illegal things, knowing-unknowingly I behaved unethical. I did the things for which I can’t justify myself in front of the mirror. This ‘struggle for excellence’ soon changed to ‘struggle for existence’, and I had no idea, I was haunted. It was like going back into our primitive stage of striving for survival with no thinking about its consequences. My regret is for these precious 3 years of my youth I wasted doing this.

This doesn’t mean I am nervous or have lost joy of life. Some people may think I am turning mad or on the way to become yogi. Nothing of that is going to happen soon. I am enjoying my life, I know it’s beautiful. It is just that I have started exploring myself that I didn’t do for last 3 years. And to my wonder, it is miraculous. There was so much into my soul that was popping to come out, And I didn’t had clue about it. So my earnest request is to everyone reading this blog. Be little introvert and find what you really want in your life. Don’t let someone else to decide what success means to you. It is your right to decide your destiny, use that….. Trust me “life is beautiful”..!!! And you just get it once…don’t waste it.

Omkar…